Crippled Relations in Our Modern Society

India has seen fast and rapid modernization, both in terms of technology and relations. The present population who are in their 40s – 60’s now would fondly remember cassette tape recorders, Doordarshan as their sole entertainer and TV or landline as a luxury in the house, now we talk about 5G and OLED TVs. Similarly, relations then were entwined with respect and love, bonding was more cordial and selfless, but today modernization has pushed this too on a fast track. People don’t have time to spend with their parents, children or spouse and if they find some then they don’t have those patient ears.

In year Dec 2005, I was on a project in Singapore with my Malaysian colleague. I disclosed that in next 2 months, I would be getting married. His first genuine response was not “Congratulations!” instead, “Do you know your would-be well enough?”, “Have you been in live-in relation before marrying him?” Initially I was taken back a bit. In reality, the first question just pierced in deep. Do I know him well enough? Do I? My then obvious response was ‘Yes, I have known him since my childhood days’. Have you guys lived in together? The response was a big ‘No’. In our Indian society we never had the tradition of live-in together, testing the compatibility and then entering the institution of marriage. I informed that this is not common in India. Love marriage and inter-caste marriage itself is a taboo, live-in is a big No-No. He smiled but on a serious note remarked, after marriage couples even argue on toilet seat cover, if it has to be put up or down for the next use. And then, me and my husband were found arguing over the toilet seat 😊

Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus", by John Gray. Are we actually? Are we not both from Earth and should be dealt with accordingly. The known reality is that women tend to verbalize their problems to process them; and men often tend to (wrongly) assume that, when they’re talking about those problems, they’re asking for advice. Men and women have different emotional requirements and this misunderstanding of the differences, leads to the breakdown of relationships. Today these misunderstandings have undergone into another realm of equality, rights and modernization. Men were stupid and females were understanding and compassionate, so the marriages were maintained, and even though families struggled at times, they stayed together. Now men still stand stupid, and females are practical and non-compromising, so marriages are collapsing and families scattered. In old days, when postal letters were the only common means of communication, relations blossomed. People would choose the words carefully before jotting them on the letter. If one had any grudge, by the time it was penned down the rage was subsided. Now with the mobile, whatsapp and social media, communication is very easy, we don’t think before reaching out and uttering whatever gibberish that enters our head.

Simple household chores like turning on the fully automatic washing machine would fetch complains from the grooms in-laws. Is it such a shame doing our own housework? Do females don’t move a spoon in their own maternal homes? Previously, when I use to see or hear the expectations of the in-laws of the bride, I used to be surprised that in one night, just because the girl is married, has she undergone crash course of personality development? with the syllabus of taking care of the new house and understanding every relation when the same was not expected out of the son of the family. Has she undergone a massive transition of evolving from a girl to a woman in just one night? We would often hear such remarks for the boy “Shaadi ho jayegi to sudhar jayega”. He will be reformed and mature after marriage. No such statements were ever made for the girl, rather her being irresponsible and novice was later seen as mistakes and blunders.

She should not fall sick, she should not take a break from house chores, kids or family. We have seen our mothers like that, haven’t we?. The sole responsibility of running the house was on her shoulder alone when she had to not only take care of her own kids and husband but of every extended family member of the joint-family. So, is it that in today’s modern society they have decided to take revenge and set the scores right? They have seen enough of their mother and aunts compromising, and now don’t want to be like them anymore. Is it, that they don’t want to give false hopes or expectations which they never desire to fulfil? When the families have gone nuclear the efforts to keep them tied have undergone micro-nuclear.

Are we not progressing towards a scattered society? Coz broken would be, when once it was joined. Whose responsibility would that be to ensure a family? Are both sex running away from their responsibilities with no commitments or strings attached. Are marriages not made in heaven anymore? Is divorce or live-in, is the new reality of this modern society?